The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

I’ve just finished reading this book and cannot adequately put into words the impact that it has had on me. It is the autobiography of a woman who is now a gossip columnist for MSNBC, but survived a nomadic childhood of extreme poverty with parents that were neglectful, alcoholic, and likely mentally ill. The depths of dysfunction and denial that her parents were able to achieve is absolutely shocking. They could also be strangely loving and encouraging, in a sick, twisted and self-serving kind of way.

The most thought-provoking part of this book, for me, was the idea that these kids can grow up not knowing what “normal” is, or rather, that there can be very many different versions of what “normal” is, based upon what you grew up with. It made me think about how many people might have survived childhoods like this and how different childhoods can impact who we are, who we become, what our expectations are.

People that don’t share at least somewhat similar backgrounds can almost seem as if they’re speaking a different language, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Issues like parenting style, spending priorities, standard of living/home maintenance/cleanliness, how often you should visit the doctor, what level of alcohol/tobacco/drug (including prescriptions, vaccinations, etc.) use is acceptable in your home, what constitutes “appropriate” language and much more can all be shaped (for better or for worse) by our early family life.

I have known two people in my life whose childhoods were shaped by this kind of abuse and dysfunction (at least that I am aware of – there could be more that haven’t shared their experience with me). I do have another theory that EVERY family has some kind of dysfunction, but I am talking about profound and abusive dysfunction here, the kind of dysfunction where children could not rely on their parents for their basic needs. There have been times, with both of these people, that I have felt like we were from different planets; I just couldn’t understand where they were coming from. Our frame of reference, our expectations of each other’s behavior, were just totally different. It finally dawned on me, after reading this book that both of us had grown up with completely different perceptions of “normal” (on the particular issue that was in question at the time) and we both thought that we were “right”.

This probably seems totally obvious to most of you, but it was absolutely mind-blowing for me. I think that it will impact my thinking in a very significant way in the future. Having said that, I now have a copy of the book that I am finished with and am willing to share (I will NEVER forget this book, so I don’t feel like I need to keep it or re-read it). Send me an email (contact info under my photo at the top right corner of this site) and I’ll deliver (if you’re local) or mail (if you’re not) to the first person that responds to this post. It’s an amazing book and uplifting, in a strange sort of way.

PS – Yes, I am even willing to mail it to Korea, so don’t be afraid to ask.